Copied with permission
By Bill Black
http://www.capecod.net/~bblack/
While rooting around in a bookstore the other day, I came across this
interesting little publication, which is obviously written for the
edification of various segments of the population who might come in
contact with us. Here are a few excerpts...
---------------
For the Promoter
---------------
Although they may initially complain about it, IT musicians LOVE
to dress up in little green suits and hats and adorable pointy shoes.
Take advantage of this. Teach them to say 'Top o' the mornin'!' and
'Begorrah!'. Punish them severely if they throw up on their little
green shoes.Good phrase to remember: "I don't look on it as commercialization.
I look on it as Bringing Full Realization to the Potential in this Music!"
Practice using it sincerely. Make the capital letters meaningful. Eyes
brimming with tears can't hurt.Even though their music and singing may be unbearably UN-entertaining
for you, you can spin big money out of these activities if you package them
correctly. For example, the word "Irish" should never be used; "Celtic" is
the preferred phrase. "Irish" has unpleasant overtones of Catholicism and
potatoes and famines and out-of-tune fiddles and untidy cottages full of
pigs, while "Celtic" is sort of misty and vague and pagan and full of
beautiful women in white gauzy dresses playing Yamaha synthesizers costing
many thousands of dollars. Guess which one will be the bigger seller for you!
Most IT musicians are drunks and will do anything for booze. Keep lots of
it around -- certainly nothing expensive that you'll have to explain to your
accounting department - and distribute it liberally to make them think
you're a good person. Also helpful: a sad story to appeal to their mawkish
sentimentality (e.g., "You know, my poor old grandmother was from Ireland
and wished until the day the bulldozer ran over her that she could make one
last trip," etc etc.) You'll have them in the palm of your hand!Have all ITM contracts drafted in Livonian or Tosk or some other obscure
dialect. Have them printed in one-point type but make sure that they are at
least 16 pages long (your legal department should have no problem with that).
If the musician complains or asks for time to read it, act offended and say
something like "Gee, the Bothy Band had no problem with it!" or "You know,
Miko Russell -- God be kind to him -- helped draft that document..."
This site hosted by FASTQ
This site © 1999
Arizona Irish Music Society
